this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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