man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
