i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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