Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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