Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
