help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
