I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
