I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
