What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
