...so i touched it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
