I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
