saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
