Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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