you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
