im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
