I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
