I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
