I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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