Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
