I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
