soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
