So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think i have two assholes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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