Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
