You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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