Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We left the knife in your bed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
