so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
