Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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