I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
