we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
