i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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