I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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