I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
