Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
