Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
