he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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