Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
