Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
