Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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