we have pet lesbian snakes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
