All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
