I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
