I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
