I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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