It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
