My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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