I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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