Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
