is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
