Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
