Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
