Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
