i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
